The Beach
by Matt Magnet
Summary: Here is part 1 of a fanfic about the best show in the history of the universe, Malcolm In the Middle. I hope you like it, and don't forget to review!
1. Default Chapter Title

The Beach: Part 1

The setting: A clear, beautiful morning at the beach. A beat-up station wagon pulls up. Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey get out of the car.

Lois: Now you boys better be good! Malcolm, you're in charge.

Reese: But I'm the oldest!

Malcolm: And I'm the smartest.

Reese: True.

Lois: Even though we're not able to be here to watch you, don't think you can get away with anything, because Dewey will tell us everything that happens. Have fun! I know I won't.

Hal: Come on, Lois, it won't be so bad. My mother really does like you……deep down…..very, very deep down inside her.

Lois: We'll be back to pick you up at 6 sharp. Don't be late, and don't even think about getting into trouble!

Reese: Boy, I thought they'd never leave! Oh well, at least now we can have some real fun!

Malcolm: What are you going to do? 

Reese: What I always do, of course. Look for nerds so that I can beat them up. What are you gonna do?

Malcolm: Work on my tan. Julie Hoolerman likes guys with a really good tan. What are you going to do, Dewey? Dewey?

Dewey is nowhere to be found.

Malcolm: Good going Reese, you lost him! 

Reese: No I didn't! You're in charge, you lost him!

Reese and Malcolm continue to fight, while Dewey roams around the beach. He runs over people's stomachs and through people's lunches. He keeps wreaking havoc until he spots a piece of dark gray cardboard, and a gigantic rubber band. This gives him an idea.

Meanwhile………. Hal rings the doorbell at a small, white house. The door opens, and a frail old lady (Hal's mother, Barbara) steps out carrying a small white poodle.

Hal: Hi Mom! How are you?

Barbara: Not horrible, considering I'm all alone. Well, I have my Snowy here (she points to the dog) but it's not same as when your father was alive.

Lois: Hi Barbara. I'm so sorry about Hal's father passing away.

Barbara: What do you care, Lois Common Denominator? 

Lois: I care very much!

Barbara: Oh, that's what they all say. Come in, Hal, darling, come in.

Lois catches the door before it swings shut in her face.

Lois: It's going to be a looooong day!

Back at the beach, things are going great. Except that Dewey is still missing, but Reese and Malcolm have forgotten all about him.

Reese: Wow, Malcolm, check it out!

Malcolm: What is it?

Reese: That girl! Isn't she hot?

Malcolm: Yeah, she sure is!

Reese: I'm gonna go talk to her!

Malcolm: You think you actually have a chance with that girl? She is SO out of your league!

Reese ignores him, and runs off to talk to the pretty girl sitting a few yards away.

Malcolm: What an idiot!

Malcolm looks off into the distance, thinking about how calm and peaceful it is. Suddenly, he sees an unwelcome sight. Unfortunately, the sight spots him as well, and rushes over to talk.

Malcolm: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To be continued……………………


	2. Default Chapter Title

The Beach Part 2

Reese approaches the pretty, dark haired girl sunbathing on a purple blanket.

Reese: So does it hurt?

Girl: Does what hurt?

Reese: Falling from heaven!

Girl: Ooh, nice pickup line!

Reese: Thanks. I'm Reese, by the way.

Girl: I'm Morgan. Hey, look at the pretty starfangle!

Reese: Uh, I think you mean starfish.

Morgan: Wow, you're so smart!

Reese: No one's ever told me that before!

Morgan: Well, as Allan Einstein once said, "There's a first time for everything"!

Reese: Hey, what's that in the water?

Morgan: What?

Reese: That gray thing…..is that a shark??????????

Morgan: I don't know, you're the smart one!

A gray figure swims quickly through the ocean. It has a large fin that shines in the sun. Could it be…..a shark?

Malcolm: And I thought that this would be a good day!

Running towards Malcolm is a Krelboyne math whiz that has a crush on him, Flor Mayesh. Her idea of flirting is throwing out equations for him to solve. She looks pale and out of place at the beach.

Flor: Hey Malcolm, what's the square root of the area of an isosceles triangle that has a perimeter of 286 cm?

Malcolm: What are you doing here?

Flor: Researching what stupider members of the human race do on weekends. And you?

Malcolm: Watching my brothers. Uh, I'd really love to chat, but……………I've got to get going!

Malcolm dives into the ocean, thankful to escape his brainy admirer. Out of nowhere, a giant wave appears, knocking the wind out of him. Malcolm catches a glimpse of a grayish colored fin, like the fin of a shark, swimming straight towards him. He immediately forgets about the shark when he discoveres that something terribly humiliating has happened, for 946729875689267th time in his life. Malcolm slowly sinks lower into the water, trying to hide from prying eyes while he figures out what to do.

Back on dry land, Reese isn't having too much fun either.

Morgan: I'm sorry Reese, you're a real nice guy, but you're just not my type! I tend to go for the stronger, more masculine guys.

Reese: But, but, but-

Morgan: I'm sorry, ok? Now do you mind leaving? You're kinda blocking the sun.

Reese storms off, angry that he has struck out with the girl of his dreams. He mumbles and grumbles to himself.

Reese: She wants masculine? I'll show her masculine! I'm as masculine as they come! Hey…. I've got an idea! I'll push her into the water, and then save her! It's got to work!

A few yards away, Morgan is getting up so that she can go look for shells among the water. Suddenly, she feels a strong hand shoving into her back, pushing her off balance.

Morgan: Help me! I can't swim! Somebody help me!

To Reese's horror, Morgan actually begins to drown. He dives in to save her, hoping that there's still time.

Meanwhile, Barbara attacks Lois about everything from her hair to her bad parenting skills.

Barbara: I just think that you give those boys far too much freedom. You must keep them on a short leash, or they will turn into hooligans!

Lois: Please don't tell me how to raise my own children! I-

Lois pauses when she sees the look Hal is sending her. She decides to go into the bathroom so that she can calm down.

Lois: I'm going to use the bathroom.

Barbara: Be careful not to touch the blue vase! Hal's father's ashes are in there!

Lois: You keep your husband's ashes in the bathroom?????

Barbara: It was his favorite place to be!

Lois: I don't blame him; at least he got privacy there!

Lois goes into the bathroom, where her eyes fall on the pretty, robin's egg blue vase. She turns to grab a tissue, when suddenly, she hears a large PLOP! Lois' eyes widen in distress. She has no idea what to do about this awful situation!

To be continued……………………..


	3. Default Chapter Title

The Beach Part 3: The Thrilling Conclusion

Reese must think quickly. The girl of his dreams is drowning! He dives into the ocean, and scans the water for her. He sees her, grabs her hand, and carries her to safety. Reese lays her down on the beach. Morgan's unconscious. He leans down to give her mouth-to-mouth. Morgan awakens with a start.

Morgan: How dare you! I told you that you weren't my type!

Morgan grabs the nearest object, a piece of kelp, and slaps Reese in the face with it.

Morgan: And don't ever think about coming near me again, you pervert!

Reese stumbles off, ashamed and confused.

Back in the water, Malcolm is having his own problems. When the giant wave came along, not only did it knock the wind out of him, but it knocked his swimsuit off as well.

Malcolm: Why do things like this always happen to me? Why am I sitting in the middle of the ocean, butt naked?????????? Could this get any worse????????

Nearby, a kid about Malcolm's size floats bye, eyes closed. Malcolm begins to grapple with his conscience, unsure whether to do the right thing, or to save face. He decides to save face. He swiftly grabs the boy's swimsuit, and puts it on himself.

Malcolm: Much better! I'm not naked anymore! 

Flor: Malcolm! Malcolm! Come here! I have another math problem for you to figure out!

Malcolm: Uh-oh!

Malcolm runs for his life, and ends up losing Flor in the crowd. As he runs, the shark that has been terrorizing the swimmers finally surfaces. It is Dewey, with a piece of gray cardboard attached to his back with a huge rubber band. He leaps out of the water, and rushes to catch up with his two humiliated brothers.

Meanwhile………

Lois: Oh dear God, what am I going to do????? I can't believe I knocked the ashes of Hal's father into the toilet!!!! How could such a thing happen to me???? Well, there's only one thing to do.

Lois reaches into the toilet bowl and yanks out the vase. The vase is miraculously intact, but the ashes are gone. Lois spots the pack of cigarettes sitting on the counter, and has a flash of brilliance.

She lights up a cigarette, and smokes it, dumping the ashes into the vase. Soon, the vase is full, and Lois is safe.

Lois: This can just be my little secret.

She discretely walks out of the bathroom, and into the living room.

Hal: Honey, it's time to pick up the boys.

Lois: Nice seeing you again, Barbara.

Barbara: Yes, I'm sure it was, wasn't it, Snowy?

Lois: Hal, your mom is getting senile. Why is she talking to the dog?

Hal: That's just the way she is. Trust me, it's not the weirdest thing she's ever done.

Hal and Lois leave, with Barbara scowling, and Snowy growling.

The beat up station wagon arrives at the beach. Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey climb inside.

Hal: So, did you boys have fun?

Reese: (grunts)

Malcolm: (grunts)

Dewey: It was the most fun ever!!!!!!!!!!!! When can we come back?


End file.
